


Scarred

by posingasme



Series: Sambiguous: Any Sam M/M Ship Ficlets [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hunter Sam Winchester, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Psychology of Sam, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:20:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27739075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/posingasme/pseuds/posingasme
Summary: Sam loves this man with all his heart. He just wishes he could see him without being seen by him.Ficlets in this series are each a separate story, so feel free to see a different lover in each.
Series: Sambiguous: Any Sam M/M Ship Ficlets [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027234
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	Scarred

He pushed deep into his lover, held him around the waist, whispered into his ear. Sam liked taking him from behind. It was the best angle to give them both what they wanted, but it was also easier to be confident and sexy when he wasn’t being looked at. Even this man, even as long as they had been together, even as much as they had been through...It was still impossible to not be self-conscious about his scars. 

This man loved him anyway, and he knew it. He was at least as scarred himself, even if it didn’t show like Sam’s lines did. His scars were part of his charm, part of his personality and psychology, in a way that made him stronger. Not Sam. Sam was broken in ways that couldn’t be fixed, and while he was intimate with his lover, he just wanted to forget about that for a little while. He would know it again as soon as they were done, but for just a short time, he wanted to make love, one pure body with another, one devoted heart with another, with nothing between them. 

Sam was losing himself inside this man, the way he always did. His love for him built to overflowing, and he reached around to stroke him with a sure hand. Everything about Sam was sure, so long as he didn’t have to face him. He wondered if he knew that, that Sam fell apart the moment his eyes were on him, that he wished every time they were together that he could stare at his lover’s handsome face without being seen himself. 

“I love you so much,” he hissed with far too much intensity. “I love you so completely. I’d die for you. I’d kill for you. I’d bring down Heaven and raise Hell for you.”

His lover was breathing shallowly, and he started to look back over his shoulder, but Sam’s hand squeezed just in the right way, and his chin dropped again. A low groan left those delicious lips, and Sam smiled with smug pleasure. 

“I know what you like,” Sam reminded him. 

“You ready?” The rough voice was part growl and part whine. 

Sam watched the arch of the man’s back, and appreciated the smooth skin. His own back had scars all over it. His own body was utilitarian, strong and dependable, and it got the job done. It wasn’t meant to be on display, not like his partner’s. He felt the soft skin over hard muscle, felt the heat and tightness, felt that his lover was fading quickly, and he sighed out his satisfaction. “Yeah,” he groaned. “Yeah, come with me.”

He thrust in hard, deep as he could, and felt warmth cover his hand, while he filled his flawless lover with every ounce of love he had. He listened for the moan, the panting, the sigh. 

Sam ran his hands down the back and sides, handfuls of sweet, soft skin and flesh, before pulling back and pulling out. He discarded their condom, and grabbed the washcloth within reach. He continued running his fingertips over the man’s backside. It was perfect. 

He was finally swatted away. “Stop. Tickles.” He turned in the bed to face Sam, who let his gaze drop. 

It was over, the time when he was scarless and new. He was back under the stare of those relentless eyes, and he felt just as broken as always in their wake. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

“For what? Tickling?”

He smiled in spite of the tears threatening his overwhelmed nerves. “No. For never being as gorgeous a lover as you are. For being all scarred up and…”

“Hey!” he interrupted. “No. Sam, don’t.”

“They’re ugly,” he forced out. 

Those penetrating eyes widened. “Sam? That's why I never get to see your face when we do this? You think your scars make you ugly?”

“They do. No, I’m ugly for a hundred reasons. The scars just make it so much worse. When you see them...don’t they disgust you?”

Heartache crossed that handsome face before him. “Sam, no. Stop. I’ve got scars too. It’s part of life, part of the fight. You know that.”

Sam’s fingers brushed over one of the man’s tiny raised welts on his chest. “Yours are beautiful. Every one of them is a moment in time when I could have lost you forever, but your strength kept you alive. I love every one of your scars.”

“Then why would you think I don’t feel the same way?”

Heat filled his cheeks and flushed his throat, and he just wished his lover would look away. “My face,” he hissed. “I only look in the mirror to shave. I can’t stand to see the ones on my face.”

His lover sat up slowly, with a deep frown. “Sam?”

The first tear slipped down his cheek. “I’m sorry. That you can’t see what I see, that you have to...that when you look at me…”

His eyes narrowed. “Sam? You-you don’t have scars on your face. You know that, right? Nothing I can see.”

Humiliation swirled in his stomach. “Stop. You don’t have to say that. I know how ugly it is. I’m broken, everywhere. If you weren’t so perfect, maybe it wouldn’t bother me so much. I just hate the idea of you having to see the scars on my face when we make love. And I’m sorry I can’t do anything about it. You deserve better.”

His lover shook his head, and reached out to touch his cheek gently. “Sam, do you...do you honestly see scars when you look at your face in the mirror?” The voice was low, and said with urgency Sam didn’t understand. 

“Of course. How could I miss it? It’s terrible. And-and I know what you’re going to say.”

“I don’t think you do,” he murmured, almost to himself. 

“I earned all of these scars. I survived them all. But god, I wish you didn’t have to see them every time we-“

There was a strong hand on his arm now. “Sam? I think we need to talk about you getting some help. Okay? We’ve talked about it before, but you never did it. I need you to follow through this time. Okay? There’s that doctor that those other hunters see, the one whose dad was in the life. You need to tell him everything you’re telling me.”

Sam snorted, and wiped at his eyes. “That guy is a psychologist. I’m pretty sure he can’t do anything about my scarred up face.”

Those eyes were merciless. They saw everything. And they wouldn’t look away. “I think he can help you with yours, Sam. Come here. Lie with me now, and we’ll talk more about it soon. Just lie with me.”

He sighed and curled into his lover’s warmth. “I love you,” he whispered. 

“I love you. I need to do some thinking. You sleep now. I’m here.”

“Thank you for being here.”

“Always,” he promised. “Always.”


End file.
